Bullshit ((Incomplete))

Perhaps I was only trying to hide, to run...
I still have no idea of what's going on, of what makes me weak and stupid, how hard to live this way, when I feel life is such a misery and pretty much everything seems so messed up...

I want to lay down, to watch the sky for a few hours and if I'm lucky, get some rain, and I rather to keep it this way, to keep my path "O.K" if she calls, if she says "I'm sorry", even if she's not... Probably I'm just asking too much... or it's not enough... (?)

[I'm not sure if I'm actually saying something here, but honestly all I'm trying to do is to get some peace, a little bit of space away from all of this, from what's after, before and around me, cause I can't stand it and I'll go mad if I keep on thinking.]

I'm seriously worried, I'm seriously down, it's been a while since I last cried, since I last screamed the way I did, I'm not supposed to have this kind of thoughts but somehow, I feel I like them, and I'm sick and tired of hearing support words, I'm sick and tired of hearing, reading about life & death, about how long & short time is, damn it, I KNOW, can't anyone see that's exactly (almost) all I think about?

Perhaps I was only trying to hide, to run...
I guess I was absolutely wrong, because I'm still trying to, this isn't really me, not again, and I can't believe how easy it feels, it seems, probably coward, sure, but if you get what I mean, it's easy, just buy it, believe it.

Fuck it, I just couldn't say anything, anything at all so I'll leave it here, incomplete and open if someday I can explain what I thought I would, I can't even be faithful to my words, how come I can't trust myself when I'm alone?
Pathetic... so pathetic and willing to remember all I've recently done but it seems as imposible as stop being a fool and feeling the way I do....... (............)

By now, trying to get this shit complete, I'll try to explain myself using a couple of songs... heavy songs... while I try to stop the ache...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBeF6Bcn0Yw&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G3kvZGWNgos&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoKwV00YMsU&feature=related